A rather strange post about downshifting. At first I didn’t want to write more on this topic, there was a bit too much condemnation addressed to each of us, but I decided to clarify some points..
It is clear that there was a thought about divorce in the post, nevertheless the message was different, which is called «Downshifting is not for everyone». Instead of a word «downshifting» you can put on travel, emigration, freelance, that is, a certain way of life. Everyone can face a change in views, and if in a couple this happens only for one person, then a conflict of interests is brewing. This is fine. And this is life, it happens. Well, and of course, then I wanted to shed some light on why we talk a lot about leaving, about travel, but in fact we are sitting in Moscow. And also about why there is a certain lull on the blog and you don't always want to write about your personal.
The content of the article
Foreword
Thank you guys all for the advice, but we didn't really expect them, although some comments made me think. I think it is obvious that we will do it our way anyway, especially since it is impossible to describe the whole situation in one small post. Someone asked further questions, tried to poke around in the situation, but it's not worth it, there are too many nuances, I would have to talk for hours. Moreover, I do not want to tell everything, forgive me. Rather, it was interesting for us to listen to similar stories, when your views changed and you had to return to what you started, or how you were looking for a compromise in a couple. Thanks to those who shared. That's all. No skeletons in the closet, no desire to reproach a partner, or get approval in their actions.
Everyone has the right to fly to the moon at least
Many wrote that they would like to hear what Daria has to say. Here we thought that yes, you can write such a post, only it doesn't quite make sense (yes, and she doesn't really want to write something in recent years). The message of my post was that people change their worldview in life, from which a conflict of interests can arise. This situation can arise not only for a husband and wife, but also between friends, parents and children. I think everyone is familiar with how grandmothers try to raise their grandchildren, scolding their parents for all sorts of newfangled alpha-renting, slings and so on. The same conflict of worldviews. So we had such a thing, unfortunately. «I want to live with less comfort in another country, and Daria with more in Moscow». Well, in short, there are a million more nuances, which, if voiced, then the phrase in quotation marks may sound like this «Daria wants to leave for Tai, but I want to stay in Moscow», or «I'm tired of saving and I want to buy things at a higher price, but Daria wants everything cheaper». Agree, almost opposite phrases? 🙂
But the most important thing is that no one becomes bad from this and in general it is not a subject of discussion. Everyone has the right to want to fly to the moon. And the whole question is whether they will be able to come to an agreement with each other, find a compromise so as not to infringe on anyone. And I strongly disagree that someone should infringe on themselves just because their desires «wrong». It is initially incorrect to accept the interests of one of the parties as correct and objective.
Yes, you could see in that post some of my condemnation, discontent ... But tell me, did all of you, being in a conflict of worldviews, retain complete Zen, did not swear, did not try to prove that you were right, did not feel misunderstood. Therefore, I could, without noticing it, give out something between the lines, although I did not want to do it, honestly. Obviously, I'm worried. We are real people, we quarrel and swear, the topic is sore, not always positive. So reading the comments, I wanted to defend myself at some moments, to show that it was not me that donkey, you see, I want to sleep on the floor, but that for me some things in life are primary, although to some they seem stupid stupidity ... In the same way, at some moments I wanted to protect Daria, to protect her right to her wishes..
By the way, now very many of our friends have problems in relationships, apparently this age (30-35 years) and the next cycle is over. Everyone lived with each other for 5-7 years, so they faced the question of how to live on. Statistics show that most of them get divorced. We're not going to get divorced yet, but never say never 🙂
Where do we go?
Since I promised to clarify something, I will tell you what is the problem of emigration and, in general, travel to other countries. Everything is quite easy to explain here and you don't need to dig somewhere deep. The thing is, we both want to leave, and we both don't. Both want to emigrate and both do not want to. But everyone has their own reasons.
Winter has come, it's time to leave
Stalemate situation
- As many probably already know, we do not like winter. That is why we at one time began to leave for Thailand for the winter. Then Egor came to us, who seems to bind us to Moscow, since here you can find classes for him (especially by ear with Russian speech), but at the same time, on the contrary, unties us, since according to his diagnosis it is very desirable to live in a warmer climate and with a better environment than in Moscow. There was a whole post about this - why are we running from winter. It would seem that we already have a scheme with wintering, we have remote earnings, all the cards are in our hands. But! Read on.
- Wintering in Thailand is good, everything is more or less civilized there, you can still live on a relatively budgetary basis (no more expensive than Moscow), while you get fruit, summer and the sea (if you live by the sea). That is, it would be possible to live in the format of wintering, to heal by the sea for six months, and to work hard in Moscow for six months. But in the summer, many teachers go on vacation, and some centers are closed. And in general there is a queue for good teachers and no one will wait for us. That is, you find someone, fit into his schedule, and it's time to leave the winter. This hacks the whole idea in the bud..
- The winding itself is also annoying. Now you have to carry with you a fairly large amount of things, materials for classes and then each time settle in a new place. Several times this can be done, but constantly over the years, no longer for us. I want long terms, I want to settle down in order to calmly enter the regime. Roughly speaking, in order to implement the option with constant movements (wintering), you need to have two prepared housing in two countries / cities, so that both have everything you need at once, including household appliances and a car. However, it is costly to maintain two apartments and two cars. On the contrary, I would like to rent our apartment in Moscow (money is never superfluous) while we are away, but you will not wish the enemy to leave and enter it every six months, packing and unpacking boxes.. Once we pulled it off, I don't want to anymore.
- There remains the option of leaving Moscow altogether for the whole year. We specially went to Sochi, where the warmest climate in Russia, but it is not for everybody, in the summer there is pandemonium, and it’s hard to study there. Then it turns out that you need to go abroad, where there will also be a problem with classes, but the climate will be more even, there are fewer people in the summer, and it is useful for me to work. In general, it is quite difficult to choose between resuscitation in Moscow with a risk of death, but good hearing lessons, and a hypothetically lower risk of illness in another city / country, but with bad lessons. What is better than a living and retarded child, or one who can speak and communicate well with the risk of dying? Whoever has not had to make such a choice may not understand such a dilemma, but we have it..
- The issue could be resolved by moving to some developed country, such as the United States, where you can find both occupations and at the same time the climate. But we are not pulling this option, I have already spoken about it. We are now not in a state (moral and financial) to live in hardships for 5-7 years (save a lot, work as a pizza delivery man), for the sake of emigration. That is, moving there is possible, either to the ready-made (they will immediately be called to work with a good salary), or with a large financial buffer, so that for 5-7 years to live in normal conditions, Daria would study calmly with Yegor (plus local teachers would go), and I would study and work. When I was calculating the budget, the amount came out not feeble, some classes are worth it. That is why we are looking for such simple options as Thailand and Serbia for a long move, or options a little more complicated, but still real - Poland, Slovenia, Slovakia.
Darya
So, a kind of stalemate arises when it is difficult to choose one thing, there are pros and cons everywhere, and nothing outweighs. So we rush about, not knowing what to choose, where to spread the straw, because you can make a mistake by choosing any option. Since I understand all this well thanks to my logical mindset, I made my choice a long time ago. Daria makes it harder, she is emotional. In the summer in Moscow, it seems to her that it's okay, but as soon as in the fall Yegor starts to get permanently ill, she rushes to Thailand 🙂
At the same time, I see how tired she is, which means the need to stop. After all, just stopping, you can try to find a nanny (who will take it), you can get into a rhythm, make a workplace for a sewing machine and a manicure (Daria decided to do a manicure), find leisure, prepare materials for classes, find teachers, etc. Plus, she is attached to friends, it is important for her to understand the culture and mentality of local residents, and because of that very fatigue she does not want to learn anything new, she is not inspired by the move on its own, although she understands its need for Yegor. In other words, she is a kind of stay-at-home (who is not averse to being on short trips) who is forced by circumstances to leave. I directly see that it would be easier for her to live in Moscow now, and from time to time, when she again gets flattened in Thailand (when Yegor is sick), I start to insist that we get stuck in Moscow. But ... Oh, women, what are you not logical!
Oleg
My choice is that I am ready to accept one of the options, accept its disadvantages, and try to resolve them. If this is Moscow, then it means to stop rushing about and living in the near Moscow suburbs, to continue running from viruses and to pray that nothing happens, to put all our efforts into our recovery and classes of teachers with Yegor. But yes, we will have to accept that in Moscow he will get sick more often, and we will be very nervous about this. If you leave for another country, then part of the forces will inevitably go to settling in a new country and on adopting its culture, while the other part will go on the very search for at least some occupation on the spot (in Moscow, it’s easier to find everything). Moreover, most of the classes will need to be implemented on their own, for example, by finding that teacher from Russia who will guide us on Skype.
Whether you want it or not, you have to make a choice. Moreover, the most important thing is to accept that any chosen option does not take into account everything, there is no such ideal place where there is not a single minus at all. So you need to accept this and relax, and no longer think about what, and suddenly it would be necessary to do differently, or maybe you made a mistake, or maybe overstep. No, we chose and move on.
To be honest, I myself tend to leave more, because the risk of getting into intensive care with Yegor personally scares me more, and at work I want to be more often abroad, but it is better to live there in general. But in this case, the classes will fall on Daria, on her shoulders, and she must make such a choice herself and consciously (you need to measure your strengths). Sorry we can't castle so I can take direction «classes» on myself, because my direction is earnings, life, and the solution of emerging issues, I barely have time to clean it up. Yes, and Daria is generally not enough that she can earn now, there is no profession, so even partially changing roles will not work. But if everything depended only on me, I would choose to leave for 1-2-3 years. Not forever (this is psychologically easier for Daria), without burning bridges to test the move itself, what it will be like to live a long time outside Russia with short visits. It seems to me that such an experience would be useful to both of us, I would see if I have pink glasses regarding the move, and Daria would find out if her fears are in vain.
Epilogue
Soon we ourselves will find out where we will go 🙂 Surprisingly, but according to last poll, our desires completely and completely coincided with the majority. We would also like to go to Serbia, we have been thinking about it for too long. But ideally, one should first drive him to Thailand or China, since Yegor needs something warmer (he has been sick for 2 months already), after all, it is already cool in Serbia. However, it still depends on Schengen, which we do not have, whether they will give it to us now or not. Therefore, plan B is 3 months in Thailand, and then Serbia.
True, this is not yet a decision to move for a couple of years. We plan to first live in Serbia for 2-3 months, after which we will return to Moscow and choose where we will sail for a long time to Serbia or Tai. And only then leave the apartment, rent it out, redo the main business and leave. I do not deny that during this time another option will be drawn for choice, for example, some Israel 🙂 Why not?
For those who are interested in following the development of our history, stay with us! 🙂 And forgive those who wanted more driving trips while they are gone.
P.S. Install the Periscop application and subscribe to Life_trip_ru, let us arrange an online broadcast and you will ask all your questions. Yes, and Daria can tell something, otherwise she has no time to write everything. In the broadcast, she will not get out 🙂
